i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
