I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
