I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
