somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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