i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
