I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
