my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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