she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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