Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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