I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
