I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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