Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You left your phone here
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