Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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