apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
