I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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