You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
