yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
