I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
