So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
try to milk me bitch
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