Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
