hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
