when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
