I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
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I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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