The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
