i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
