It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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