I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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