Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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