dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
