Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
