After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
