I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
