the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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