I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
