My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
