I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
