I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
