so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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