Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
