Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
