she's into porn, im staying here tonight
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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