You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
