So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
