I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
