My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
