I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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