People in love make me want to vomit
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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