I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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