Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
