screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
