nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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