Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I didn't notice because vodka
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
