sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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