here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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