It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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