Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
