He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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