That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
