I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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