When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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