i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
