i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
