He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
