I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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