If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize