I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
