im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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