dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
