So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
