yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
