The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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