epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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