I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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