Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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