Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
